Women who have a ...(?)... are SIX times more likely to feel s-xually satisfied!
Genitals, kinda like feet, can be perceived as 'weird' looking. This is especially so for women, whose genitals are mainly hidden, and unless we have lovers who have vulvas, or we work in a job that deals with vulvas it is unlikely we have seen many other women's genitals up close.
Research shows that women's Genital Self Image (Genital Self Image/GSI = how they feel about their genitals) effects their sexual satisfaction. One study showed women who rated highest on the Genital Self Image scale had more sexual energy and easier orgasms (Berman & Windecker 2008). These researchers found that a women with a good GSI were six times more likely to feel sexually satisfied than a woman with a poor GSI.
SIX!
That's a lot.
This is the reason why body positivity is included in the Tools for Tweens and Teens workshops. I teach vulva diversity so the girls have "proof" that we are all unique and different to each other. I have some beautiful vulva art books I will bring to show the girls so they can see the range in shapes and sizes of vulvas.
My goals for the girls are that they recognise that all vulvas are different, and through learning some of the amazing anatomy they will start to lean towards an appreciation of their genitals rather than fear, disgust or even just indifference.
Ways you can foster a good GSI in your daughters:
Babies and toddlers - Add an adjective in front of it when you are talking about it. "Okay time to wipe your beautiful vulva". Also model positive self talk, let them see you care for your vulva with love - massaging some oil on your outer labia, or a gentle cupping over it after you put your favourite underwear on. (Side note vulva cupping can be a quick and effective way to regulate your nervous system).
Pre-schoolers - Introduce the idea that everyone is different, just like we have different faces we all have different genitals too. Teach them how to care for their vulvas, washing with soap only outside, wiping front to back etc. "Our vulvas are so powerful they clean themselves, and they don't like it if we put soap inside them".
Primary schoolers - Get a mirror out and look at your vulvas together, name the parts you can see.
Tweens - Show them some beautiful books about vulva diversity "When you start to become a teenager your vulva will change too, I wonder what kind of vulva yours will be". Start sharing some of the pleasure anatomy with them (rather than only focusing on reproductive anatomy). Learn about it together.
Teens - Leave a book on their bed for them to look at. Have some conversations about vulva representation in porn. Send them to a workshop!
And if any of the above feels 'too much' or confronting please don't worry. It is likely many of us have unlearning to do and it is very common to feel some shame around our vulvas. In the parent's evening component of the workshops I will send you home with a big list of resources, not only for you to use with your daughter, but to support you with your own growing relationship with yourself if that's something you feel called to dip into.
If you would like to give your daughters ahead start so they can be in the 'six times more likely' group book a workshop :)
If you skimmed:
1. Women who have a good Genital Self Image are SIX times more likely to feel sexually satisfied than women who have a poor one.
2. This is why teaching vulva diversity and appreciation is important from a young age, but especially so for our tweens and teens.
3. Come to a workshop to learn more.