What kind of sex were YOU having when you were a teen...and what kind of sex do you want YOUR teen to be having?
Story time...
The kind of sex I was having was...heart centred and mediocre.
I was 16, and I was in love. I had been with my boyfriend for about 6 months, for about three of those he was "ready" to "go all the way" and I wasn't. I resisted until I felt ready, (or maybe until he wore my people pleaser down with his readiness?).
Sure I knew the mechanics of sex, but I didn't know my anatomy, and I had never had an orgasm.
So perhaps it shouldn't have surprised me that the sex was a let down:
Not painful, but not wildly pleasurable either.
Over pretty quickly.
And left me feeling confused.
Wasn't it supposed to be fireworks and cinematic music?
Wasn't an orgasm supposed to happen to me?
What was I doing wrong?
Was I broken?
If I had known my body, and its capabilities and if I had the tools and confidence to express and communicate with my partner I think things could have been very different for me.
And quite honestly, it was only in my mid 20s, after a couple of long term relationships, a decent handful of one night stands, and a bedside drawer full of toys and erotica that I started to feel confident to explore and express my needs and desires.
And even more honestly I STILL am surprised today, by moments or things that lead me to unpacking and unlearning the things I have been conditioned to believe about my body or what it means to be a woman.
So, what kind of sex were YOU having as a teen?
And what kind of s x do you want YOUR teen to be having?
And how are you going to ensure she has the knowledge, tools and confidence to get it?
This is why I am running the Tools for Teens workshops. The 11 - 13 age group, while not explicitly about sex is foundational and plants the seeds to know your body, and gives you the tools to have a voice. The 14 - 16 age group workshop builds on this and goes into sexual relating more specifically.
It is also part of the reason why each workshop comes with an included parents evening, not only to share the workshop material with you, but to assist parents with resources to continue their own unlearning. I have a big resource list I will send you away with and my inbox is always open for any of your questions, queries or reflections.
Workshops are held on the Sunshine Coast, they are sex positive Sex Ed for tweens and teens, and so far the feedback has been wonderful.
If you skimmed:
My sex as a teen was mediocre
I know if I knew more at that age things would have been different for me
What hopes do you have for your teen and their s xual explorations?
Workshop info here