Why it's (legally) important to teach your child the correct names for their gen. itals...
It can feel uncomfortable and confronting talking to your child about their genitals using the correct names, it can feel clinical or even inappropriate because of our own associations with those words. So when we use a cutsie name instead it serves to both desexualise and bring some non-threatening sweetness to a topic many of us feel intimidated by.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing.
However if your child only calls their genitals by their cutsie name you are doing them a disservice.
If someone tries to touch your child's genitals and your child tells a grownup that someone tried to touch their "Cookie" two things could happen:
1. The person they are disclosing to may not understand what they are saying
2. If it goes to court your child's testimony may not have legal standing if they aren't using the correct words.
Additionally it has been found that predators are less likely to prey on children who know the correct names for their genitals as this usually indicates the child being educated and empowered around their body and knowing what is right and wrong when it comes to body safety and boundaries.
So if you are using a cutsie name at your house, please please ensure your children also know the correct names for their genitals.
My approach
In our house my approach has been using both the correct and the chosen words intentionally and interchangeably. I have always wanted my girls to have positive genital self image and to see their genitals as both sacred and powerful. So I chose to use the word Yoni as well as the words vagina and vulva:
when changing their nappies I would say 'sacred yoni'
during bath time we would do body parts, "show me your nose"... "show me your vulva"
when they were 6 and 3 we got hand mirrors out and all had a look at our own vulvas
when I introduced them to their clitoris, I intentionally introduced it to them as their pearl because I wanted to create a sense of specialness, a couple of years later I taught them it was also called clitoris**
So please tell your daughters (and sons) the correct names for their genitals. And if your children are older but you still only use the cutsie names, just begin to add in the correct names too. You could even own it:
"Hey Sweetie, you know your Cookie, it's important you know it's actually called your vulva, and there are lots of different parts to it that it would be good to know about now that you're older, here is a great book for you, you'll find a great diagram on page 17, and you know I am always here for you with your questions".
**if I was to have a do over I would have taught them both pearl and clitoris at the same time "See the pearl at the top of your vulva, that's your clitoris" rather than starting with just pearl.
If you skimmed:
It can be beautiful to have a special or family name for your children's genitals, one that aligns with your family values
It is also super important to teach them the correct names for the genitals and sexual organs