The THREE elements I include in every sex ed talk with my daughters
It can be hard to know where to begin when you are having a s.x ed talk with your child, it can feel overwhelming and often gets pushed into the "too hard" box. Here's something that's helped me, each time I have “a talk” with my child I keep in mind the following three things. I hope they help you too:
1. Information Sharing - this is the substance of the talk, the topic of the conversation. Keep this brief and be led by their questions with regards to giving them additional information. For younger children it’s likely you’ll be answering their questions. For older children you might be approaching them with specific information you want them to know. Either way keep it brief so as not to overwhelm them:
eg “See the Pearl at the top of your v.lva, that’s your cl.toris”
Or “Bodies are so clever, they have built in guidance system that gathers information based on cues and clues from the people around you that you might not even be aware you’re noticing”.
2. Value Modelling - this is the values you are promoting and encouraging. It is okay to be both explicit with this, or to keep it implied:
eg “The purpose of your cl.toris is to give you pleasure”.
Or “So it’s a good idea to listen to the voice in your belly before you do anything, this voice is wise and will guide you if you’re unsure. And it’s totally normal for different people to have different guidance. Which is why it’s important to listen to your own guidance above what other people are saying”.
3. Relationship Building - this is the work you’re doing to ensure your child knows you are a safe person to come to with their questions in the future. So either affirming their actions if they have come to you or reminding them to do so.
eg “That’s such a great question I am so glad you asked”
or “I am always here for any questions you have”.
Bonus tip for older children (tweens and teens) - story telling is a GREAT way to illustrate the points you are making. It could be a story about your own past, or a friend (keep it anonymous if it’s not your story to share) or about someone fictional just to get the relevant information across.
Bonus tip for all ages - hypothetical questions are also a great way to start conversations, (super simple ones for younger children, or more complex for older ones). Questions engage the brain in the learning process. They increase meaning and emotional connection which also contributes to building strong neural networks, they are the most effective way to learn and engage with new concepts.
I hope this helps you to feel more confident when it comes to talking with your child, tween or teen. The fact that you are reading this tells me that you are an invested and deeply caring parent, thank you for being so.
If you skimmed:
It's helpful if your s.x ed talks with your children include information sharing, value modelling, and relationship building
For older children include story telling to share information
For all children include questions to engage their brain in the learning process
Thank you for being the kind of parent who cares about their child's s.x ed